With the world in the grip of an un-ending stream of shock horror – financial meltdowns, pandemics, un-winnable wars, terrorism and bad weather – it seems timely that we tap some Vulture spleen.
Poor old pigs. Just because these much-maligned critters with those soulful eyes taste so damn good, we feel obliged to besmirch their good name to salve our collective conscience for makin’ them into bacon.
Not content with using the word pig, or swine, or hog to denigrate someone who is unhygienic/unfair/unhelpful/unpleasant/unreasonable… we now go and name a whole life-as-we-know-it ending disease after this most unfortunate of beasts. Yup, you know what I’m talking about – Swine Flu. And in a textbook tabloid flash it was serendipitously incubated in Mexico (I can just hear good ol’ Billy-Bob hollering: “Martha, those dang Mexicans are gonna wipe us all out!”).
Well this latest outbreak of fear and loathing got me thinking...
What is it about the human condition that we in the West can wallow in the spoils of unfettered consumption, hocking our grandkids’ future whilst vacuously heating the planet to boilover with our super-sized McMansions, super-sized 4x4s, super-sized plasma TVs and super-sized appetites? And then have the temerity to expect the government to bail us out with bread and circuses to avoid a timely confrontation with our dark reflection. Or even more ridiculously, seek out false prophets to salve what’s left of our self-worth. Thus with anthropological zeal I explored a sequence of disasters threatening our global mojo.
Let’s talk scams. Evidence of mankind’s current switch-flip to idiocy is the vast success of the spivs of this world in fleecing an increasing number of irrational, but willing citizens. Exhibit A: our friends in the Nigerian Ministry of Finance. Is there anyone on Earth who hasn’t received an email from a distressed Nigerian official who seems to have mislaid his PIN and will eagerly pay you millions if he can just borrow yours for a day or two? Well you’d think these guys would have reached the point of diminishing returns. But no, it’s on the uptake! In Australia alone, according to the Queensland Fraud Squad, Aussies lose around $36million each year to these tricksters. Maybe they should send them their brains instead.
Exhibit B: I was recently sent un-solicited, a beautiful glossy investment brochure assuring me of a retirement of milk and honey lubricated by untold riches. Now, like any other soul not residing in a Carmelite Nunnery or Buddhist Monastery, I love getting my hands on a bit extra of the folding stuff – particularly if there’s not too much toil required. Intrigued, I read on. This particular ‘investment’ was underpinned by the “worldwide opportunities of sports arbitrage [that] are almost endless and always renewing themselves, event after event. These opportunities present themselves on a staggering array of sporting and non-sporting events.” Hmm…
The fast talk continued: “Sports Arbitrage must not be confused with gambling, which definitely carries a risk. This is a system where one trades with two different bookmakers on the same event but with different outcomes. There is more to arbitrage than this but all considerations have been taken into account by our expert trading analysts so we can substantially minimise risk and make you feel more safe and secure with your user friendly software.”
And then the money shot: “What would you do if you knew you could not fail in life...
Naturally you would proceed, wouldn’t you?”
Well lock me up and throw away the key! Looking feverishly for the non-existent Government mandated disclosure statement; it became clear that this was the Nigeria Deluxe in the world of con. A quick Google of the company in question landed me at several scam-reporting sites, where it became clear that this mob has in a few short months swindled some $10million from the greedy and gullible.
A few days later the phone rang with an ooze-encrusted telemarketer extolling the virtues of this ‘can’t fail opportunity’. Time to have a bit of Seinfeld fun then. Sticks and stones and all that… a telemarketer and a Vulture with a sore head is never a pretty encounter. After damning him and his pond scum mates to Hell with some fruity but well-chosen expletives, your humble scribe felt quite chuffed… only to be phoned back a couple of hours later by said telemarketer proffering some serious threats to Vulture’s life and limb. Time to change the locks on the doors and un-tether the hounds… eek!
Which brought me to another affliction affecting the supposedly sane and educated. Downward Envy. Spruiked by a few of the world’s more courageous politicians, this describes an inane notion that people who have got more than they could ever possibly use get jealous of those who’ve got nothing. Worked into a slather of indignation by the shock-jocks on the wireless or ‘current affair’ television on how dare some poor homeless bastard be provided tax-payer funded education or program to hopefully lift him out of poverty and just maybe help him become a productive tax-payer like the rest of us.
But the most telling evidence of a world gone mad is the GFC (no Ethel, that’s not Georgian Fried Chicken – it stands for the Global Financial Crisis). Here’s the thing… this meltdown of financial markets occurred fundamentally because neo-conservatives convinced a naive world that if you just left business alone it would not only self-regulate, it would also be upright and moral, without any dead hand of Government oversight and regulation getting in the way. Now I don’t know about you, but I know you should never get between a banker and a bucket of money – so how could we so gullibly believe that these financial dealmakers unleashed (and some may say un-hinged) would care tuppance-halfpenny about the social consequences of the financial ‘instruments’ they were fashioning. And so we all got sucked into the ‘greed is good’ vortex. Hell, our primary asset – the family home – had just doubled in value so we were all feeling like millionaires. So, let’s borrow against the humpy and put the money in some kind of hedge fund or derivative and we’ll double our money again. It was almost too easy!
Of course no one understood any of it – particularly the financial advisors who were especially clueless. So it was no wonder that when the castles at the big end of town started falling, our smaller castles made of sand were simply washed into the sea. And now instead of dusting ourselves off and giving ourselves a good talking to, the creeping tentacles of downward envy are starting to permeate our souls as a way of dealing with our own sense of worthlessness. It’s time to give in to our better angels. Fortunately with the election of people such as Barack Obama, we may just do that.
Although it looks like the old guard, prepared to wage an un-holy battle to preserve their ascendancy in spite of their reputations, are now being resigned to the dust bowl of history. It is up to those of us who truly believe in a future for our grandchildren to maintain our rage. Investment in new carbon neutral and energy efficient technologies… tick. A little commonsense and oversight regarding the money markets… tick. Thinking global but acting local… tick. Accepting that big does not necessarily mean better… tick. Investing in sustainable infrastructure for the 21st century… tick. Smelling the roses and celebrating the simple things in life… tick.
It’s not hard.
On reflection, all the ailments currently befalling us are almost a natural correction – kind of like what Mount Vesuvius did to Pompeii but without the lava. As for swine flu – to date this virus has killed about 40 people. Compare that to almost one million who die from ordinary flu each year. The conspiracy theorists are having a field day on this one.
But back to our piggy friends. Not only have they now got an evil illness in their name, 300,000 of the poor blighters – in spite of clear scientific evidence that you can’t get swine flu from eating pork – were put to the knife in a mass slaughter recently in Egypt (In an ironic twist, a herd of pigs in Canada in recent days actually contracted Swine Flu from their farmer who recently returned from Mexico!).
Scams, fear mongering, mass panic, blind faith and stupidity? Ahh, it’s all good.