BEAUTY WITHOUT BOUNDARIES.

BEING ‘BAD’ IS OH SO SEXY, OR IS IT?

Society has created over time the view that doing the ‘bad’ things in life can prove status and confidence and the essence of a ‘cool kid’ persona. Voluptuous (fat) women favoured as symbols of class and status, gasping-for-air skinny icons setting the trends, Audrey Hepburn and her famous cigarette holder, and Kurt Cobain with his cocaine addiction, all proven executions of cool. And why is this? Does this still exist? Bring on the class of 2010 and let’s discover what habits, behaviours and vices are truly considered sexy today. By Ilsa Wynne-Hoelscher

It’s a funny thing to think about… what defines cool and sexy behaviour? These days all you hear and read about is how to be sexy through health and fitness regimes, but what springs to my mind, and maybe yours too, is the risky business, the cigarettes and the out-there attitude. Not necessarily how I want to define sexy, but this is by far the brainwashed ideology from social influences over time.

So what is ‘sexy’? Both ‘sexy’ and ‘cool’ are labels that we all secretly strive towards, in one way or another. It’s what drives many people through their daily existence and can be an underlying life ambition: to be and stay sexy and cool. So what are people willing to sacrifice to achieve these titles? Perhaps there are more naturally chic approaches to such a persona?

‘All the cool kids do it’ is a typical notion associated with smoking. It may be seen as cool, rebellious and reeking of attitude, but at such a casual connotation should we really be buying into a life of fatal addiction? We are mortal after all, even though dying may seem worlds away. It seems to be far less cool to smoke now as a newly tagged anti-social habit. Smokers are now restricted to smoke rooms in the hottest clubs (without a view of course), and the non-smoking areas at most dining premises have been converted and are now complete non-smoking establishments. So is this ‘cool’ fad dying once and for all? But hang on now, picture this… Coco Chanel in the peak of her success, dripping in class, and power sucking at her cigarette whilst sporting the best designs to this day. Also, just how sexy is a divine masculine being (think Brad Pitt) sipping a scotch whisky and blowing smoke rings from the ol’ Marlboro? But what is it that makes this seem sexy? Is it the danger associated with doing the ‘wrong thing’? Maybe it’s just so damn confident (despite the fact that most smoke addictions are caused due to soothing effects of frequent stress). “It is important to remember that smoking is a horrid habit, but almost anything can have positives when done in moderation,” writes journalist Cassie Rhea Little, of The Oklahoma Daily1. “Smoking because of an addiction isn’t cool, but smoking on occasion because it’s sexy should be acceptable. Sure, it has its downsides, but so do things like tanning and cosmetic surgery. So the next time you decide to inhale, ask yourself: ‘Is this a vice or an accessory?’” Hmm… do you think perhaps she is a smoker herself? Or is she just putting it out there as a general view of this habit? Or maybe I shouldn’t be looking to an American daily journalist for sense and sensibility.

Here’s another thought to throw into the mix: “Chicks dig scars!” The danger, the risk, the rebel without a cause, motorbikes, leather, tatts and ‘tude… totally screaming sexy cool. This is the epitome of being bad, in turn scoring status and popularity, appealing sexy to others. You see it in the movies, read it in the magazines, the ‘dangerous’, the ‘villain’ – they always have the power play and always score the chicks, which completes the male fantasy, of course! But back in the real world, is this really all that sexy today? Alex Kay, a writer for a dating advice site2 thinks so. “A bad boy is sexy. There’s something about that sly smile; that look in his eyes. He just turns women on wherever he looks. He moves like an alpha male in the animal kingdom: relaxed and confident. Almost too relaxed, almost too confident.” It does sound quite appealing though doesn’t it? Should I continue? Yep! “So what exactly defines a bad boy? In its most simple definition, a bad boy is someone who works outside the norms of society. He doesn’t follow rules, he f**king makes them himself! He just don’t give a damn!” Right, sound like someone you know? “He is also incredibly unpredictable. His looks witness his personality: adventurous, unpredictable, and raw. Exactly what he wears doesn’t matter – it’s the way he wears it that counts. High masculinity, high sexual confidence, knows how to please a woman, dangerous, exciting, and gets lots of chicks!” says Alex. I think we’re now more under the spell of the nice guy today, don’t you? Perhaps being bad has had its day and now the opposite; the geek, the muso, the intelligent or at least the well-mannered gentleman is sexy and cool.  

And now to the ladies… this one to me cries weighty issues. Sacrificing health by living badly. Sexy and cool has had its mixed bag of descriptions for the fairer sex, that’s for sure! Sexy and being desired was once all about money and being connected with the right class. Larger (unhealthily obese) women were envied, seen to have money and leading such lavish lives. But then came the corsets, where women couldn’t breathe let alone eat. Beauty was again reinvented by the plus-size icons using the inspiration of Marilyn Monroe and the like. Women titled as sex symbols, making men want them and women wanting to be them, a sure sign of sex, beauty and cool. Today there are conflicting ideals making it hard to know what is actually sexy and right for a woman. There is such emphasis on gyms, starvation, size zero or the revengeful plus size models and icons ‘keeping it real’, none of which is good behaviour for mind, body or soul. How about some natural living, enjoying life’s guilty pleasures but balanced with great health and inner happiness? Sounds like a sexy existence to me, and just imagine the exterior beauty if that inner peace is anything to go by. The hungry trend of size zero may be attracting attention, but maybe not the right kind?

So what do you think? Is being ‘bad’ all its cracked up to be? Is doing the bad deeds in life really getting you what you want? Are those sacrifices worth making, especially with today’s views and values in life? Maybe now’s a good moment to take stock of what you are. Time to re-evaluate and have pride in who you are, what makes you sexy, what makes you cool and observe the difference it makes to your life. ‘Sexy’ and ‘cool’ are defined by you. Ever thought of that?

1 Is Smoking Sexy?, Cassie Rhea Little; The Oklahoma Daily; August 28, 2008.

http://oudaily.com/news/2008/aug/28/column-smoking-sexy/

2 Why Bad Boys Get All The Hot Women, And Nice Guys Don’t Even Get Close, Alex Kay; Just Keep The Change – Online Dating Advice Blog; May 11, 2007.

http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-bad-boys-get-all-the-hot-women-and-nice-guys-dont-even-get-close